A Mother’s Tale: Not the Milkman’s Son

When you have a baby, the first thing everyone does when they meet the baby is try to decide who the baby most resembles: Mom or Dad. I believe every parent hopes that they are the “winner” of this great debate. Over the past 5 weeks, I have looked at my new son very closely to determine how he is like both Pete and me. I have discovered that my little boy, whom I carried for 39 weeks, gave up my beloved Guinness for, and gained XX lbs. for, is NOTHING like me. If the situation was reversed, and he was nothing like his father, people would have started speculating who the father really is by now. But it is very clear. I gave birth to Cade, and Pete is definitely the father. Here is a list of some of the similarities between my sweet Cade and his daddy:

1. Looks – Just look at him! He is a mini-Pete. Same mouth, nose, and thinning hair (just kidding, Pete! Sort of…). The only main difference is that Cade’s head is only in the 25th percentile (thank God for me!), while it is widely believed that Pete’s is in the 99th percentile.

2. Clothing Supervision – Pete always brags that it only takes him five minutes to get ready to go out at night. However, he almost always has a mini meltdown when he has to pick out a shirt to wear. I end up having to supervise this experience so he doesn’t give up and wear his gray hoodie. Although Cade doesn’t have a meltdown over clothing decisions, he also needs Mommy’s assistance when picking out his outfit which he inevitably throws up on and needs to be changed before we leave the house….which then leads to Mommy’s meltdown. :(

3. Indigestion and Other Stomach Problems – Gas. Ugh. Why do men and babies have so much gas?! I once watched an episode of “Myth Busters” where they concluded that women and men produce the same amount of gas. I call B.S. on this one. Cade is constantly burping and farting all day long. The other day, he actually burped, farted, hiccupped, and spit-up all at the same time! What did Pete say to this? “Wow, that’s talent!” Pete is also known for his gas “talent.” Back in 2005 when the Eagles played the Patriots in the SuperBowl, a group of friends decided to watch the game in a bar in Philadelphia. What did Pete carry to the bar in his pocket? A flask of
alcohol perhaps? Nope, it was a regular sized bottle of Maloxx.

4. Sleep – Have you ever heard the expression “He could sleep through a bomb going off”? Well that’s exactly what I think of when Pete and Cade are sleeping. It’s unbelievable how soundly these two sleep. Pete’s “gift” has allowed him to completely tune out Cade’s cries in the middle of the night (or maybe I am just naïve?). Cade is the same way. When people knock on our front door, they are immediately greeted by a very ferocious sounding dog. I don’t know where this habit came from (sarcasm: it's cousins Bailee and Raven),but it’s terribly loud and annoying. Our next door neighbors probably jump out of their skin, but my Cade does not flinch! In addition to sleeping through very loud noises, they can also sleep in strange places/positions. Please refer to my previous post “A Mother’s Tale: Caden’s Birth” which explains how Pete fell asleep at our senior prom (still bitter about this one). Cade often sleeps across Pete’s body (see picture). He often sleeps the best when he looks the most uncomfortable.

5. Multiple Sneezes – People who know Pete know that he suffers from allergies. Just like potato chips, when Pete sneezes, he can’t just have one. Cade has inherited Pete’s multiple sneeze. I once overheard Pete bragging to Cade that he has the record for multiple sneezes. Jeez, Pete, give him a break! He’s only been practicing for 5 weeks! In case you were wondering, Pete’s record is 5. Cade is following close behind at 4.

6. Overreacting - Pete and Cade have a tendency to overreact in certain situations. For example, Pete went WAY overboard when Cade happened to pee on him while being changed one day. Sure, it was Pete’s first time ever changing a diaper when it happened, but jeez Pete, it wasn’t pee laced with kryptonite! Then there’s Cade. When Cade is hungry, he goes from a sound sleep to a blood curdling wail. Is that really necessary?! Will the milk come out quicker if you wail, little guy? I think not. A simple “rooting reflex” and a light "coo" will get the point across just fine.

So you might think that I am a bit sad that my first born child turned out to be exactly like his father and nothing like me. But I’m not. There’s still a chance he could be a neat freak, guidance counselor, or develop a love of purses and bags like his mother. But even if he doesn’t turn out like me, that’s OK! The way I see it is I chose my husband because I love him for all of his character traits. Aren’t I so lucky that I was sent a little boy with a lot of those same traits! I would say I am one lucky, happy Mommy to have not one, but two wonderful boys in my life. :)

-Mamadactyl

Non-sequitor: This was pretty timely!

I found this youtube video last week.  Even though the two stars of the clip appear to be best friends instead of rivals, I still found it somewhat relevant.  Perhaps one day, Cade and Kallie will be best buddies as well - for the time being we will settle for Kallie's passing interest in Cade (I'm pretty sure Cade just thinks Kallie is some kind of recurring phenomenon that moistens his face).

The video may no longer be available in which case you can get it at the following link - Baby Plays with Puppy: Cutest YouTube Video Ever?

 

Here is a shot of Kallie and Cade's most recent interaction:

 

 

What do you think: Lamb for Diapers?

I offered Laura what I thought was a pretty sweet deal last night.  She eventually declined to take it, which made me think to see what everyone else would think. 

Here's the deal - while we were out in Yardley, we went out to get some Greek food at Canal Street.  We both ordered Greek salads but I got mine with lamb.  When the salads came out, I quickly noticed how enjoyable the lamb was.  The lamb was served in pretty thin pieces, kinda gyro stylish, but then cut into small pieces.  It was very tasty.

Since I was enjoying it so much I thought to offer Laura the following deal.  You see, we have this dynamic where I am regularly trying to get her to try foods she has never had before.  Lamb is one of those foods.  Despite my ongoing efforts to convince her of its delicatability, she has never tried and refuses to try lamb in any of its incarnations. 

I therefore offered that if she tried one piece (remember they were small) and didn't like it, I would change all of Cade's diapers during the coming weekend (that would have included me getting up at the god awful hours in the middle of the night despte the fact that I can't feed him).  She thought about it for a while but never bit.  So I was left wondering whether this was a fair deal.  What do you think? (just to clarify - I am asking whether the deal was fair and not whether lamb is good or bad).

Was trading lamb tasting for changing diapers a good deal?

Day 5: the pee cannon

On my way home from the hospital. I made it!

After two days in the hospital, Laura was discharged and we were sent home with Baby Jaslow.  There was no discharge test, release form or instruction manual provided.  Millions of idiots carry around certified CPR cards but at least they have to sit through a one day class.  We didn't have to do anything other than have the baby and the hospital people just assume that we know what to do with it once it's there.  A little presumption is all I'm saying, especially since we ddn't know what we were doing.  I mean do you take the baby out to play golf right away or do you let him unpack first?  At any rate, there we were, unlicensed parents, bringing baby Caden home from the hospital to introduce him to his sister, Kallie.

I should note that our first problem arose immediately upon exiting the hospital.  While I am proud to report that I correctly installed the car seat, we had know idea how to adjust the straps/seat belt in order lock Cade in.  After fiddling with all the straps and belts for 15 minutes in a 10 minute loading zone, a nurse standing nearby was kind enough to point out that we had to press the suspiciously large and obvious button in the front to unlock the straps.  Genius!

What a long ride home it was!

After leaving the hospital, I quickly realized what I missed about the hospital - that the nurses change the baby's diapers for you.  So I brought Cade back on the third day for the changing but was promptly told it was my.job and to kindly leave.  I don't know what the problem.   I had brought them a diaper and some wipes they could use? 

Since I was rejected at the hospital it became clear I had to learn how to do it myself.  So for the first two days at home I carefully studied Laura changing him to get the basics.  I figured once I was duly prepared and had the courage or until Laura got fed up with my various evasive tactics (i.e. suddenly having to mow the lawn...we live in the city), which ever comes first, I would attempt to change my diaper. 

My "good" friend, Doug.

Of course, on the third day home, after hearing a particularly loud bowel movement from Cade, our good friend, Doug, who happened to be visiting opened up his big mouth and suggested that I change a diaper.  Thanks Doug, I'll remember that.  Under pressure, I felt compelled to attempt my first changing. 

It was a disaster from the beginning.  Cade appeared noticeably concerned when he saw that it was going to be me changing his diaper.  He decided to start crying, and by crying I mean screaming, the moment I put him on the change table.  By the time I got his clothes and diaper off, you would have thought I told him Santa wasn't coming or that he wasn't allowed to eat cookies.  He did not seem to understand that I was trying to help him, instead he just keeps kicking his legs and rolling from side to side as if it was funny to make it difficult on me. 

I finally got him all cleaned off and ready to put a new diaper on when it happened - he decided to relieve himself without a diaper on, the eponymous pee cannon.  Without a diaper on, he fired a stream of urine across the room, landing on the floor, changing table, himself and maybe Kallie.  I rushed to minimize the damage by throwing a diaper on top of him but the ongoing kicking deflected the diaper and sprayed the pee around further, oh joy.  I had watched Laura on over a dozen changes by then, and never had Cade unleashed the fury of the pee cannon.  It was just my luck that he decided to do so on my first changing.  I was immediately traumatized and suggested to Laura that I needed a several week respite from changing Cade.  That didn't go over well.

This is apparently what your supposed to use as a cap to prevent rampant public urination.

Kallie waiting for us to get home.

Now lets rewind just a bit and look back at Kallie during this period.  Upon bringing Cade home, Kallie seemed to have a mixed of emotions.  I had brought a hat and towel home early to let her get his scent.  Notwithstanding, she seemed initially indifferent to Cade upon his arrival, probably cause he wouldn't throw the ball to her or feed her, but certainly very careful with him.  On the other hand, Kallie clearly was anxious about all the things that came with him - the car seat, baby chair, rocking horse, diaper genie, etc.  Nevertheless, she was overjoyed to know that we were home.  I was able to take Kallie for a walk up to the park a couple times each day, and she was a very good companion and we had a couple nice rounds of catch.  In addition, Kallie was kind enough not to vomit, poop or pee in the house, and she certainly didn't try to fire a random stream of urine at us at any point. 

A little worried about the new thing in the house.

What the hell is that?!

As a few days passed, she slowly warmed up to Cade and was curious to learn more about the 7lb. crying, pooping machine.  Kallie's curiousity led her to get up close and personal, sniffing his face (or butt if he's got a loaded diaper) and licking his face if we happen to have turned our backs on them.  Though we think she's still a little jealous and not quite sure whether she wants us to keep him, she's close enough to curl up and keep him warm at nap time.  I expect she'll become a perfect big sister in no time.

Ok, he's not sooo bad.

Again we have an easy scoring week.  Kallie would win merely on the fact that I have to change Caden's diapers, which is the furthest thing from cute, but in light of the whole pee cannon incident, Kallie wins by a landslide.

Well, there's always next week.  What are you looking at anyway?

Score:

Kallie: 3

Caden: 1

- Papasaurus