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| On my way home from the hospital. I made it! |
After two days in the hospital, Laura was discharged and we were sent home with Baby Jaslow. There was no discharge test, release form or instruction manual provided. Millions of idiots carry around certified CPR cards but at least they have to sit through a one day class. We didn't have to do anything other than have the baby and the hospital people just assume that we know what to do with it once it's there. A little presumption is all I'm saying, especially since we ddn't know what we were doing. I mean do you take the baby out to play golf right away or do you let him unpack first? At any rate, there we were, unlicensed parents, bringing baby Caden home from the hospital to introduce him to his sister, Kallie.
I should note that our first problem arose immediately upon exiting the hospital. While I am proud to report that I correctly installed the car seat, we had know idea how to adjust the straps/seat belt in order lock Cade in. After fiddling with all the straps and belts for 15 minutes in a 10 minute loading zone, a nurse standing nearby was kind enough to point out that we had to press the suspiciously large and obvious button in the front to unlock the straps. Genius!
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| What a long ride home it was! |
After leaving the hospital, I quickly realized what I missed about the hospital - that the nurses change the baby's diapers for you. So I brought Cade back on the third day for the changing but was promptly told it was my.job and to kindly leave. I don't know what the problem. I had brought them a diaper and some wipes they could use?
Since I was rejected at the hospital it became clear I had to learn how to do it myself. So for the first two days at home I carefully studied Laura changing him to get the basics. I figured once I was duly prepared and had the courage or until Laura got fed up with my various evasive tactics (i.e. suddenly having to mow the lawn...we live in the city), which ever comes first, I would attempt to change my diaper.
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| My "good" friend, Doug. |
Of course, on the third day home, after hearing a particularly loud bowel movement from Cade, our good friend, Doug, who happened to be visiting opened up his big mouth and suggested that I change a diaper. Thanks Doug, I'll remember that. Under pressure, I felt compelled to attempt my first changing.
It was a disaster from the beginning. Cade appeared noticeably concerned when he saw that it was going to be me changing his diaper. He decided to start crying, and by crying I mean screaming, the moment I put him on the change table. By the time I got his clothes and diaper off, you would have thought I told him Santa wasn't coming or that he wasn't allowed to eat cookies. He did not seem to understand that I was trying to help him, instead he just keeps kicking his legs and rolling from side to side as if it was funny to make it difficult on me.
I finally got him all cleaned off and ready to put a new diaper on when it happened - he decided to relieve himself without a diaper on, the eponymous pee cannon. Without a diaper on, he fired a stream of urine across the room, landing on the floor, changing table, himself and maybe Kallie. I rushed to minimize the damage by throwing a diaper on top of him but the ongoing kicking deflected the diaper and sprayed the pee around further, oh joy. I had watched Laura on over a dozen changes by then, and never had Cade unleashed the fury of the pee cannon. It was just my luck that he decided to do so on my first changing. I was immediately traumatized and suggested to Laura that I needed a several week respite from changing Cade. That didn't go over well.
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| This is apparently what your supposed to use as a cap to prevent rampant public urination. |
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| Kallie waiting for us to get home. |
Now lets rewind just a bit and look back at Kallie during this period. Upon bringing Cade home, Kallie seemed to have a mixed of emotions. I had brought a hat and towel home early to let her get his scent. Notwithstanding, she seemed initially indifferent to Cade upon his arrival, probably cause he wouldn't throw the ball to her or feed her, but certainly very careful with him. On the other hand, Kallie clearly was anxious about all the things that came with him - the car seat, baby chair, rocking horse, diaper genie, etc. Nevertheless, she was overjoyed to know that we were home. I was able to take Kallie for a walk up to the park a couple times each day, and she was a very good companion and we had a couple nice rounds of catch. In addition, Kallie was kind enough not to vomit, poop or pee in the house, and she certainly didn't try to fire a random stream of urine at us at any point.
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| A little worried about the new thing in the house. |
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| What the hell is that?! |
As a few days passed, she slowly warmed up to Cade and was curious to learn more about the 7lb. crying, pooping machine. Kallie's curiousity led her to get up close and personal, sniffing his face (or butt if he's got a loaded diaper) and licking his face if we happen to have turned our backs on them. Though we think she's still a little jealous and not quite sure whether she wants us to keep him, she's close enough to curl up and keep him warm at nap time. I expect she'll become a perfect big sister in no time.
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| Ok, he's not sooo bad. |
Again we have an easy scoring week. Kallie would win merely on the fact that I have to change Caden's diapers, which is the furthest thing from cute, but in light of the whole pee cannon incident, Kallie wins by a landslide.
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| Well, there's always next week. What are you looking at anyway? |
Score:
Kallie: 3
Caden: 1
- Papasaurus
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