Day 0: The Birth

It took me longer to finish this post than expected, not because it was difficult to decide on the winner, but because i am freaking exhausted!  You try getting 4 hours of sleep in 1 hour increments over a period of a week.  So stop pressuring me!  Enjoy!

Caden's Day:

Something doesn't feel right....

I was sound asleep at about 1:30 to 2 am on December 6, 2011 when Laura woke me up to let me know she was experiencing some cramping.  I told her it was probably just gas and she should try and go back to sleep.  She woke me again at about 3:30 am to tell me I was wrong.  The cramping turned out to be labor pains.  I have not slept well since that night.  From what I've been told, it is probably the last night I will and that doesn't bode well for little Cade.

On our way to the hospital I attempted several jokes to ease Laura's anxiety.  Stuff like - "hey im pretty tired, mind if we stop for coffee" or "do you think we can walk to the hospital?"  None of that seemed to work, and I was quickly reprimanded.  :(

Make another joke and die!

We struggled through a couple hours of labor without the epidural.  It was especially tough for me to watch the IV going in.  The nurse really had a hard time finding the vein and the needle kept going in and out, pushing through laura's skin from within - I had to sit down.  Things finally settled down once we got the epidural man down to the room.  After a couple naps, baby was ready to start his great escape at about a quarter 5.

Caden's long planned and eagerly awaited escape took a mere 20 minutes to execute.  Notwithstanding a couple hours preparation, we were taken aback by his brazen getaway tactics.  Instead of a slow crawl to freedom through a couple inches of bodily canals that I can't even imagine (or maybe I just don't want to), he shot forth like a Slimer-covered Venkman cannonball,  He would have flown at least a 5 ft if the maidwife wasn't prepared  Screw D'Jack, that lady had soft hands to be able to haul in a line drive pass of a bodily fluid covered ball (or baby)!

Where did he come from?

From our perspective it was all shock and awe.  Human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together...mass hysteria!  Then, before cleaning or anything, Cade was laid down right on top of mom.  Come on!  He could have taken a quick shower!  We would have waited.  Well at least I was clean.

The moment was powerful, between the anticipation and excitement and the terror of required accompaniments.  So though the day will  rank up there at the top of my best days, I have had trouble deciding whether I could award Cade points for his terrifyingly foul jailbreak.

I'm going to pretend to yawn to lure them into a false sense of security and then freak out!!!

Then, if that wasn't enough, he cried on the warming table, crapped on the weight machine (note - he was the same before and after....how's that possible?), cried in the crib in the recovery room, leaked something on mommy, and then cried a little more.  Im confused about which day is which at this point so some of that crying might have happened on the second night but whatever.  At least I got to sleep at home.

Cade enjoying his first cigar.  It was chocolate, so don't call social services.

Kallie Day:


Kallie was just as confused as me when she got her morning walk at 6:00.  I think she started to fall asleep while peeing.  Of course she was over-joyed when she got to eat early.  Then she was sad when we left.

Don't pee in my house!

Luckily for her, our very nice friends, Michelle and Josh, took Kallie to play with her best friends.  Kallie first got to go for a walk with Michelle and Mato.  Kallie's confused and loves to hump Mato, so I'm sure that was a blast for her.

Later, Josh took Kallie back to his place to wrestle with Baxter the boxer.  They wrestle pretty aggressively so that got out a lot of her energy.  Baxter likes to pee after wrestling so fortunately they were playing at Josh's house.  Josh also left a surprise gift for laura in the fridge when he dropped Kallie off.

Laura hasn't been able to shut up about Guinness since month 5,  no day 5, of the pregnancy.

All these names are upside down!

When I returned home, I found a well-behaved Kallie sleeping on her beddy.  She was kind enough not to destroy anything in our home, which is a major plus.  She even helped me search for a name for Cade.  I know we had 9 months (maybe 10) to agree on a name, but we were planning on hammering it out during that final week.

I brought home one of Cade's hospital towels so that she could get his scent.  She was only temporarily interested.

I want a treat not a towel!

After a quick late night walk, Kallie jumped into her mom's spot on the bed to keep it warm for Laura.  She slept soundly, unlike what I was told about Cade's night...so thank you Kallie, but don't tell mom cause I said you required a lot of attention and had rhea in the bedroom.

Sweepy time.

Omg, who gave me a baby?

The Bottom Line:


Kallie was good and cute all day.  She didn't have any problems.  Cade had a lot of unpleasant foulness that came along with him but was a welcome addition to our family.  So, after careful consideration, I felt too cruel  not to give Caden any credit, and have decided to declare a tie for the day.  I've awarded both contestants 1 point for their contributions.

The Score:


Kallie: 2  Caden: 1

- Papasaurus

Next time: a new contender arises?